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Female “word elongation” is the topic of an Atlantic article and an academic study this week.

“When people talk, they use intonation in a number of varied and subtle ways,” a linguist told the Atlantic’s Jen Doll.

“I reeeally need that memo by 2 p.m., can you skip lunch? A few extra As in “thaaanks” is polite, but too many in the wrong context suggests sarcasm. This is mostly because of the association with drunk people.

Cruel word-elongaters take advantage of this principle, often pairing passive-aggressive word elongation with bemused punctuation repetition. (Though drunkenness is not actually sexy, drunks are known to vocalize and act on sexual desires, creating halo-effect sexiness for their booty-call texting patterns.) At the end of a word, letter repetition suggests seductive murmuring or .

POLAND, ME—Studying the youngsters in front of the stable as if she alone possessed the insight into who belonged with whom, Rockbrook Camp counselor Melissa Burke, 19, reportedly assigned kids to horses in a beginner horseback riding class Thursday like a sage town matchmaker presiding over marriage arrangements.

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

GOODING, ID—In an effort to more accurately assess how hot the food item would be once he began eating it, local man Barney Randolph on Friday reportedly factored the addition of ketchup into his calculation of a french fry’s final temperature.

WEST PALM BEACH, FL – FEBRUARY 14: Karen Brown (L) and Douglas Brown hold hands as they are wed during a group Valentine’s day wedding at the National Croquet Center on February 14, 2013 in West Palm Beach, Florida.

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18 Comments

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    (Riccardo and other Couchsurfing users quoted in this article asked to be identified by pseudonyms.) On the business front, the crowdsourced hospitality site has been experiencing a rough patch lately.

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